Things I wish I knew about life after college
Some reflections written for my younger brother as he graduates — and for anyone else facing what’s next.
In less than two weeks, my younger brother graduates from college. And as his favorite (only) older brother, I thought I’d write down a few things I wish I’d known better when I stood where he’s standing now. I didn’t have much figured out when I graduated — and still don’t. But maybe one or two lessons from the years since will help. That’s good enough for me.
To the reader who’s not my brother, I’ll say this: it’s hard to offer advice to someone as capable as him. He’s graduating from Duke with degrees in Electrical & Computer Engineering and Computer Science. I visited him at Duke once, and it was clear — he was basically killing it by all measures. He had friends in every building he showed me around, a passion for everything he did, time to party, and good grades. He makes it all look easy.
But that’s been true for a while.
In high school, I graduated Salutatorian. He graduated Valedictorian. We were two grades apart, yet still somehow ended up in the same AP Biology and Physics classes (he was the youngest student to ever take those classes). Oh, and our teachers would give me a hard time because he earned a reputation setting the curve on most of our exams (though to be fair, I did un-retire my senioritis to claim the top score from him once. Just once. I think I made sure everybody knew.)
We co-captained the varsity tennis team together. At home, he’d beat me in ping pong more often than I’ll admit (though I maintain that it was maybe with the help of some questionable calls — we’ve agreed to let God settle that one someday).
He’s my best friend. I like to say he’s a better version of me — but really, he’s just an amazing version of himself. And I couldn’t be prouder.
So no, this isn’t “big brother wisdom” from someone who’s got it all figured out. It’s a reflection — of what I’ve learned (often the hard way), what I wish I’d known sooner, and what I’m still learning now. Some of it, I think, my brother’s already nailed. But I’ll share it anyway:
1. Life doesn’t come with a syllabus anymore
One of the strangest feelings after college is realizing that no one is telling you what to do anymore. There are no required classes, no office hours, no looming midterms to remind you to stay on track. That freedom is incredible — but it can also be paralyzing.
You might wake up one day and realize you could do anything, but have no idea what you want to do. That’s okay. It takes time to get used to living without a roadmap. The key is to start drawing your own. Over time, you start to realize: this is where it gets exciting. You get to choose what matters now, and it’s full of possibility.
2. Work might be where you spend your time, but it’s not who you are
In college, your identity is made up of so many things — your classes, your friends, your clubs, the stupid inside jokes with your roommates. After graduation, especially if you’re moving somewhere new, it’s easy to let work fill in all the space that life used to occupy.
There’s a pressure — sometimes external, often internal — to prove yourself. To climb quickly. To say yes to everything. But don’t let your whole self get wrapped up in your job title. You’re not your calendar. You’re not your performance review. You’re still you, and the often best parts of life happen outside of work.
3. Friendships require more effort — and more intention
College makes friendships feel effortless. You live a hallway away from your best friends, meals are scheduled social events, and there’s always something going on.
Post-college is different. People move. Work gets busy. Social lives stop being default — they become something you have to create. It can be lonely at first. But it’s also a chance to learn how to choose people, not just live near them. Check in with your friends. Visit each other. Pick up the phone. It matters more than you think.
4. You’ll feel behind sometimes — and that’s normal
Comparison will be a thief if you let it. Some people will get promotions. Others will move to new cities or post about relationships or buy houses or launch startups. And it will be so, so tempting to measure your life against theirs.
But you don’t owe it to anyone to have it all figured out by 25 — or ever, really. You’re not falling behind. You’re just building your own path. Take your time. You’ll get where you’re meant to go.
5. Give yourself room to change
You won’t be the same person you were in college — and that’s a good thing. You might find new interests, new values, new parts of yourself you didn’t know existed. Let that happen.
Don’t be afraid to evolve, or to let go of things that used to define you. Change isn’t a betrayal of who you were — it’s a sign that you’re paying attention to who you’re becoming.-
6. Ask for help — from others, and from God
Something I’m definitely still learning: you don’t have to carry everything alone.
There will be days when things feel uncertain. When decisions weigh heavy. When life feels quieter than you hoped or louder than you can handle.
On those days, ask for help. From your friends, your family, your mentors — and from God. Trusting His timing, and His plan doesn’t mean life is easy, but it does mean you’re never walking through it alone.
Now what?
Whatever comes next, I hope you meet it the way you always have — with curiosity, kindness, and the courage to show up fully. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Life will unfold in ways you can’t predict, and that’s part of what makes it meaningful. The goal isn’t to get everything right — it’s to keep learning, to keep growing, and to keep choosing what matters most to you.
I love you, I’m proud of you, and I’ll always be in your corner. And to anyone else standing at a similar threshold: congrats, good luck, and remember — you’re allowed to take your time.
Dedicated to my brother and the graduating class of 2025.
Great advice that i wish was expressed more often and this clearly